I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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