That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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