We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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