i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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