I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
