Your dad touched me again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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