youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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