when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
