This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
