I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
