Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
