the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
