there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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