and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
