And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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