I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
