A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
