your parents love me but you hate me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
