This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
