bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
