he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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