Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
