Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
