Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
