don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
