Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
