it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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