$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
