omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
