Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
