I think im going to throw up on grandma
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
