He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
