Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
