Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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