bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
