I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
