also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
