If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
