Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
