life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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