Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
