Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
