One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
