You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
