I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
