There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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