I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
