my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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