I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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