I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
