nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
