I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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