Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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